Just Beginning

Outside my window... The blinds are closed because it's late at night/early morning (3rd shift). I should be in bed, but I'm excited about writing to these prompts on a daily basis and sharing the results with others.

I am thinking... about journaling. There are so many different approaches, and some are wonderfully creative. I want to find what works for me. I have used Blogger in the past and currently post to Facebook throughout the day, sometimes via GetGlue. I want something cohesive that encourages my creativity and allows me to look back to remember and reflect.

I am thankful... for Pinterest. Users there have shared links to journaling ideas and that is how I learned about The Simple Woman's Daybook. 

In the kitchen... For dinner I made Pecan-Crusted Chicken Tenders and Indiana Succotash. Dessert was brown sugared strawberries. The succotash was a new-to-me recipe which I would make again-- it's flavored with celery seeds and paprika. I used green beans fresh from my garden. Yum!

I am wearing... my favorite pajamas: 100% cotton black cropped pajama pants and a ratty hot pink knit tank.

I am creating... a card journal. There will be 365 index cards, one for each date of the year. A single line is added to one card per day with the result that I can look back at what I was doing on the same date in previous years. Four months of cards are ready and two entries are complete.

I am going... to bed soon I suppose. However, I slept 9 hours overnight then napped for another 3.5 during the day to combat a bad headache and fatigue (hormonal fluctuations). As usual, I'm out of sync with the rest of the world's time table.

I am wondering... if I'll be able to settle down and sleep.

I am reading... nothing right now-- between books. I renewed my four magazines and two library books on Tuesday, but truthfully it's time for me to stop by the library for something new instead. Not too interested in my current selections.

I am hoping... to be very productive tomorrow. I need to complete a job application for substitute teaching including ordering transcripts. Also, I want to get my kitchen cleaned up: empty the fridge of "science experiments," scrape and polish the stovetop clean, and "hose down" the microwave's interior. Lots of laundry needs doing too (towels, clothes, pajamas).

I am looking forward to... starting a CNA (certified nursing assistant) course soon. I'm hoping to get an entry level position in the medical field and then maybe move up from there.

I am hearing... the ticking of the clock in my knitting room/den (where I am at present), the soundtrack and dialog of Jurassic Park (not really watching it, but I like a little background noise), and the a/c kicking on to keep the house cool.

Around the house... the fabric squares of my first potential quilting project are on the dining room table, there are dish towels to fold in a living room chair, and my knitting room is a disaster of paper, books, yarn, etc.

I am pondering... why I am so long-winded. I do love details! ;-)

One of my favorite things... is beginning new projects. My mom calls me a "dabbler," and I admit it's true. Finishing is the challenge!

A few plans for the rest of the week: There's not much of the week left at this point, and if I'm unable to accomplish some of the things I hope to do tomorrow, I'll just roll those tasks over to the following day. No particularly exciting plans. I need to run by my parents' to pick up a check, to the bank to deposit it, to the pharmacy to grab a prescription refill, and on Monday, I have my bi-yearly appointment with the pulmonologist (sleep specialist). All routine stuff.

Today's picture is of my dinner. I do love to cook.

What to Say?

I feel the need to write this morning, but I don't have a lot to say! I haven't been feeling well for the past few days and have limited my activities accordingly.

I did start reading P.D. James' The Private Patient and am enjoying it so far. It's an Adam Dalgliesh mystery. I've never read anything else by the author until now. (Summary: After thirty-four years, a newspaper journalist elects to have a disfiguring facial scar removed at a private surgical clinic for the wealthy housed in a Tudor-style home in Dorset, England, and is murdered while recuperating. Adam Dalgliesh's team is called in to solve the crime.)

While I was in school for my Master's or dealing with books all day at the library, I preferred fast reads over slower, better developed works such as this (even if the quality wasn't great)-- the books were just a break from routine, a needed escape.

I don't read fiction that often these days; I prefer nonfiction books that give me information and ideas for my personal projects such as gardening or cooking or knitting.

I am waiting on the new P.J. Tracy mystery though-- I requested it from the library but didn't get my name on the list early enough so must wait for a turn. The "author" is actually a mother-daughter writing team. The books are set in Minnesota and feature a quirky cast of characters who work with the police to solve unusual crimes. My favorite was the most recent where victims were hid as snowmen. I can recall the cover but can't remember the title-- maybe Snowblind? Anyway, I like and am looking forward to the newest-- I think the back history of Grace, one of the main characters, will be unfolded a bit. It should be interesting.

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Inventory & Labels

Yesterday between head pain and a nap, I downloaded a couple of new iPod apps and began listing the books and movies I own and using a label maker to print Dewey Decimal labels for the book spines. I also photographed covers of some that were too old or obscure to have photos available on the Internet. 


I have a large cookbook collection (77 volumes listed, and that's just the beginning). Consequently, Dewey is the simplest way for me to arrange them.


As a former librarian, I am familiar and comfortable with Dewey and can find what I need quickly that way. If I were to organize my books by size, color, content, or any other scheme, I'd be forever rearranging them. Dewey has a logical order built in, so I can label the books once and be done with arranging despite expanding and editing my collection over time.


My other collections are small in comparison-- only 8 knitting books and 6 gardening books for instance. But my cookbooks could take over the house unless I corral them. The floor in my knitting room is already less crowded now that I've done some shelving. Once I have the books together, I may also elect to prune some (ones I don't refer to often), but first I need an overall view of the breadth of coverage, and that means getting my books off the floor and off my treadmill and onto the shelves.


This is a part of my uncluttering plan, although I wasn't planning to tackle it until later. But the task was something I could begin while sitting down and resting in between activity bursts. That way at least I didn't lose the whole day to feeling poorly.

Finally Better

I've had a run of difficult days with cramps, headaches, drowsiness, aches and fatigue. I had to get to a doctor's appointment fairly early yesterday which helped me to get my rear in gear. I did get an adjustment to my medication which allows me to pay far less for one of them in exchange for taking pills twice a day instead of once. Good news!

Unfortunately, I had missed a dose of that medication (all out and waiting on doc for authorization), and it has such a short half life that I was starting to have withdrawal symptoms. So there I was crying on the way home from moodiness and feeling so bad, and my jaw muscles were so tense that my teeth were chattering though I wasn't cold. I went straight to the pharmacy for a refill, straight home for water to swallow my medication, and shortly began to feel better.

While at the pharmacy, I bought the local newspaper because the headlining story was about a woman who'd been arrested and jailed overnight for disorderly conduct in defense of deer. I have waited on that woman at the library and can confidently say that she is a strange and sometimes hostile person. She seems to hate Kentucky, so I'm not sure why she continues to reside here-- obligations? financial restrictions? sheer stubbornness? I believe that she needs mental health assistance, but I'm sure she would be offended at the mere suggestion-- she sees herself as normal and everyone else as deficient. I have seen her be charming and funny on at least one occasion, and it saddens me to see her spin her wheels and burden the community with imaginary issues. Life sure is complicated and amazing sometimes.

I took a walk in the late afternoon while my dinner baked and snapped this picture. I think the photo aptly captures my feelings about the last few days and my desire for something better for ailing people in this world. I've titled it "A Break in the Gloom". If I were a professional photographer and selling my work, I'd donate the proceeds to some mental health organization that is successfully impacting people's lives. But since I'm not, enjoy the photo. ;-)


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A Quiet Movie Day

I was awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night and didn't feel well the whole morning, so this was a low-key sort of day. I did two loads of laundry (towels) but didn't fold them. I watched the following movies (and simultaneously played on my iPod): the rest of The Guns of Navarone, Westward the Women, In Harm's Way, and Jurassic Park.

My dad delivered leftover fried chicken and mashed potatoes with white gravy, so that made a good lunch. Thanks, Mom!

I did an evening garden check and discovered that one carrot seedling is showing which is remarkably rapid growth, but then we've had the weather for it!

Here's a picture of the mesclun which I'm growing in cut-and-come-again fashion (so I won't be thinning it).


I also took a picture of a wild corner of the yard (which technically doesn't belong to me, but since there's an empty lot next door, I'm claiming it for the time being).


I love the various greens and the contrast of the redbud branch. Plus, the area is tucked away so it seems like a secret garden.

God lifted my spirits this evening, and I am expecting and looking forward to a better day tomorrow.

"Love is right here, love is alive, love is the Way, the Truth, the Life, love is the river that flows through, love is the arms that are holding you... love never fails you."
-From the song performed by Brandon Heath entitled "Love Never Fails"

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Animal-Proofing

Yesterday I did some errands then selected a book to read while eating my lunch; the next thing I knew, it was dinner time! (It was a nonfiction health book, not particularly suspenseful; sometimes I overfocus.)

I took a lovely dusk walk to stretch out the kinks. Someone was barbecuing, and the smell of the sauce was torturously wonderful. Maybe my mom will make some BBQ chicken for us soon. (I can make it, but I think it tastes better when she does it.)

Anyway, my gardening time was a short period just before sunset. All I had the opportunity to do was to cut and secure some bird netting over each bed with the corner stakes assisting; however, I don't think it's going to be effective at animal-proofing. In fact, I may have given the cats a comfy hammock to curl up in.

I woke this morning at 4:30am, scheming about other possibilities: What if I...? Maybe I could try...? Would it work if...? What would be the advantages and disadvantages of using...? Since my brain was definitely awake, I got out of bed shortly after 5am.

It's going to be a rainy day, so I can scheme to my heart's content, but in all likelihood I won't be able to try out any plans today. That's okay though. I need to wash dishes. ;-)

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Reading Health Info

I moved my appointment with the sleep specialist up from June to April; I do not think my insomnia has been sufficiently resolved, and I still need help.

I spent most of the day reading the health information which the patient advocate at my TMD specialist's office provided. Since I have another appointment coming up shortly, I wanted to "prepare" a bit.

Some facts about migraine timing-- they can follow periods of stress, occurring in the "letdown" phase. To counter that, the suggestion was to try to slow down during the stressful period but to pick up the pace a bit afterwards-- the idea being that a more even work/stress load keeps blood vessels in the head from contracting then dilating suddenly and causing a migraine. Helpful maybe, interesting for sure; it encourages me to observe my body's patterns more closely at the very least.

I also read the pamphlets given to me about anxiety disorders. I don't think I have one, but I do believe there are times when hormones cause me to be tense, endlessly indecisive about stupid stuff (like whether to dare to deplete my kitchen pantry of a can of salsa verde by opening and consuming it), and anxious for a few days in a row. I startle easily (at completely unspooky things), have nightmares (usually bugs or intruders, but horrific even if the content seems ordinary), and have serious mental BATTLES not to dwell on life's negatives and lose perspective (depression). Sometimes I lose the battles too despite my best efforts. Win or lose, all I want to do is be by myself, because the battles are fierce and require concentration and reflection to work through.

Those brief periods mimic anxiety disorders and could be taken for one by health practioners looking for buzz words in my help requests-- but I don't believe they are, because the next hormonal shift makes all that nonsense evaporate. Suddenly, no anxiety; I'm just tired instead. And, the 3-day episodes reoccur on a monthly basis-- the details change (what I'm tense or indecisive about), but the essentials remain.

Besides, the meds I take already include one anti-depressant (for hormonal mood swings) and one anti-anxiety drug (to calm my brain for sleep, thus combatting insomnia). Seems to me that if I really had an anxiety disorder or depression that those meds should take care of it. The fact that they don't (during those short episodes) leads me to believe that hormones are the culprits rather than anxiety or depression.

This is a breakthrough for me. I've never been able to state what's happening to me in that phase so clearly before. I fully intend to show this to the health professionals who are trying to help me. And thinking about what I've written, it's no wonder I feel a little crazy or out of control some days-- these ailments do a number on my mind as well as my body. It ain't NO fun, believe me.

Let me just say that here's one female who's longing for menopause. I honestly think heart disease and/or breast cancer (risks of these increase for women after menopause) would be easier to bear than the constant and severe emotional up-and-downs that are the same-old same-old, yet always seem to take me by surprise. I'll take my chances; bring on "the change" even with the risks.

Okay, enough of that rant. Moving on!

****************************************************
I resumed knitting again today. I'd been working on a sock and had almost completed it, but the pattern says to bind off "with double strand"; I don't know what that means and haven't been interested in finding out. I'm sure it's not difficult, but I wanted to knit without practicing new techniques for a while. So I've put that aside and have now resumed a blanket I hadn't worked on since back in October, I guess. I'm ready to finish it (or at least make some progress on it).

Tomorrow I need to do some chores and errands. I've been ailing and "battling" for three days already which is three days too long.

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Sync Me

Today has been another of those times when I can't seem to get my rear in gear. The end of daylight savings doesn't help, and neither do the clouds; I feel like hibernating. I fought off the sluggishness yesterday, but today I caved-- watched movies and played solitaire.

The bite guard still needs work; it's helping my jaw, but it's making my molars hurt. Had to take one dose of Tylenol already today, with probably another in store at bedtime.

Craving SUNLIGHT-- strong, blinding, and hot. A beach sounds ideal, but alas, this is land-locked Kentucky. Got a vacation planned but it's a ways off.

I do have one chive stem making an appearance and my thyme is growing. I'll have to research thyme to learn more about its growth habits, because I'd swear I only planted 3-5 seeds, but I have tons of little leaves popping up. How does that work? Well, it's a good thing anyhow; I like to pet the thyme so that it's fragrance coats my hands.

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My TMD Visit

I headed to Louisville around noon yesterday, planning to do some errands before my appointment with the TMD specialist. I dropped off a patient assistance program form to my doctor in Mt. Washington (to get some financial assistance with my expensive medication from the pharmaceutical company that makes it), then connected with the Gene Snyder.

I got caught in a thunderstorm, and it was bad-- sky so dark and rain pounding so heavily and fast-- visibility was dreadful. Meanwhile, people driving just as usual! Insane!

Image source:www.geograph.org.uk/.../ 17/1041712_d419805d.jpg
I opted not to do my errands under such conditions but to head for the doctor's office instead. Then the hail started. The ice wasn't that large, but it was coming down so forcefully-- twice it sounded like my windshield had cracked. Unnerving. By that time, I had pulled into the doctor's parking lot. I had to wait until it was safe to get out. Looking out the car window, I could see deep streams of water rushing toward the drains. That was one violent storm!

My doctor was able to squeeze me into his schedule two hours early (since mine was a 20-minute appointment for a bite guard adjustment).

When I left, it was still raining, but a drizzly ordinary rain. I was able to do my errands after all! I bought 8 cubic feet of vermiculite which the man at Frank Otte nursery was just barely able to fit into my trunk. (I had to move some pieces of lumber inside the car with me.) I dropped off a job application at Barnes & Noble and headed home.

Between hormones, stressful driving, and the manipulation of my jaw during my appointment, I had to take Midrin again. It really seems to be doing the job of ending my migraines. I still can't quite believe it, but I love being free of that misery-- very grateful.

I did have trouble staying asleep last night, waking at 4:30am (then napping later when I shouldn't), but the bite guard adjustment seems to be helping. My jaw was a lot "quieter" than usual when I woke. I go back to the doc again in two weeks to have the adjustment checked but so far so good.

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Catch-Up Account

I need to wash dishes, shower, and do some errands, but I've had insufficient sleep for 3 nights running; all I really want to do is crash.

The TMD specialist I saw yesterday sent me home with the equivalent of a fat book's health reading and an appointment for next week to adjust my bite guard. I read some of the info last night, and already discovered a few new facts.

I also stopped by a branch of the Louisville public library. I borrowed some great books: Deerproofing Your Yard and Garden, Getting Started Knitting Socks by Ann Budd, and a DK sushi book that's downright amazing! Coincidentally, Ree Drummond (who's blog I follow) has posted an account of a sushi night she hosted (which I just discovered this morning). I decline to eat raw seafood, but I think sushi-making is in my future-- a wonderful intersection of art and cooking and eating!

When I got home, the garden supplies I had ordered the previous day were waiting on my front porch. I was astonished and thrilled-- now that's service! I sent an email to Gardens Alive to thank and compliment them.

I did end up with a bad on-and-off tension headache for which I took Tylenol. I also took 2 whole sleeping pills instead of 1.5 as usual but still awoke a couple of hours early-- with a bad tension headache. I took Midrin, and thankfully that seems to have given the headache a kick in the rear. Now if I could just summon some energy.

I did call the unemployment office to get information about financial assistance for medication. I'll have to go to the appropriate office and apply as soon as possible. $165 for a 1-month supply of one medication (no generic available)-- yikes!

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TMD Specialist

Once again, I've been awake since 4:30am. I did consider leaving the lights off, but there was so much moonlight pouring in (even through my closed blinds) that it seemed a moot point. Possibly a full moon? Maybe just a lack of cloud cover for a change. I'll have to look it up.

In any case, I got out of bed and filled out job applications for Barnes & Noble which I hope to deliver today.

I also have a 2.5 hour appointment in Louisville this morning with a dentist who specializes in TMJ disorders. Perhaps I can get some help with the muscle-tension headaches and facial pain that dog me. I already wear a bite guard at night, but my current dentist doesn't make adjustments to it unless I ask-- he's a good dentist but TMD is simply not his specialty. I had a great dentist in California, and I can tell a difference in the quality of treatment. Besides, my jaw won't tolerate staying open for a cleaning AND for a bite guard fitting-- recipe for a headache for sure. So if I'm going to have to schedule separate appointments, I'd just as soon see a TMD expert.

Given my lack of sleep, the flashing glare of light through trees on my drive to Louisville, the stress of finding an unfamiliar location in busy city driving, and the delay of food during this lengthy dental appointment, I fully expect that migraine medication will be necessary today. I will pamper myself to the degree possible but will count myself lucky to get through the appointment, get back home, and not vomit. I hope to God the Midrin works again if I end up needing it-- it's on hand in my purse.

Well, off to get ready. I need to leave the house by 8:15 for sure.

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More Health Books

A family friend recently went on a gluten-free diet and found that she feels MUCH better. I certainly couldn't have deduced that answer for her, but since she's identified the treatment, all her symptoms suddenly make sense.

Even before I heard her news, I had begun to wonder if a food intolerance might explain my allergies. It seems so odd to me that symptoms are flaring in winter when I'm mostly indoors-- I mean, all of a sudden I'm allergic to dust??? Mold in this brand new house??? Weird.

I know allergies can develop at any time of life, but it still seems bizarre. And I did just change my diet in an attempt to lose weight. Maybe I'm unknowingly eating more of an unidentified allergen and aggravating my system.

Today I checked out The G-Free Diet and Allergy-Free Cookbook. I am considering some changes. I wonder about gluten, but dairy products and/or nuts could also be culprits.

Last night I read...

About half of A Brain Wider Than the Sky: A Migraine Diary by Andrew Levy. On the whole, I am a concrete person whereas he is abstract and loves academics, metaphysics, philosophy. Also, he has migraines with aura, but I do not. There were still some passages of his book that rang true for me and that touched me. A few quotes:

"it was an instinct: keep away from people unless I could act like one of them" p. 67

How I believe my former boss perceived my migraines: "It seizes her when she likes, where she likes, for as long as she likes." p. 68

"Then migraine, like any chronic disease, is a real declaration. And, as the migraineur, I am the one who declares war. I am the agressor, even as I am the victim." p. 68

"Talcott Parsons wrote, there is a social contract between a sick person and a sick person's audience...The sick person should be regarded as the victim of forces beyond his control. In exchange for this grace, however, which includes exemption from ordinary daily obligations and expectations, the sick person has to acknowledge that being sick is undesirable and that measures should be taken to maximize the chance to facilitate recovery." p. 76

To me, he pinpoints the negotiations and politics of it all-- and how easily relationships can go awry if either party isn't fully committed to making things work.

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Took a day off...

Which is kind of absurd since I'm unemployed, but about the only things I did today were to fetch the garbage cans back from the curb and renew my library books online. I deliberately lollygagged. Good thing too, because I ended up with a migraine around 6:45pm. I took Midrin and ate something and now feel much better. I'm so glad!!! I won't be surprised if I have a few more episodes over the next week though. That's usually how it goes.

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Fairly Quiet Day

I woke up feeling a lot better than yesterday, but it wasn't long before dizziness and nausea set in again. I think the symptoms may be side effects from the antihistamine I'm taking (to reduce fluid buildup in my ear).

I got so drowsy I couldn't have kept my eyes open with toothpicks and took a 1 1/2 hour snooze. Looking up drug interactions, I think I'll try Claritin instead of Zyrtec because the latter may be interacting adversely with a medication prescribed to me for insomnia.

I purposely skipped church today, waiting until the weather and I are better.

Today's in-front-of-the-TV-project (when I was awake, at least): I unraveled a portion of my knitting, then knitted almost back to where I was to get rid of the big oopsie I made. There's still a minor boo-boo, but I think I can live with that-- I'll add a crochet edging if the mistake proves too glaring; I just can't face any more unravelling.

Besides, I'm hoping to finish the project shortly. That would be great because it's winter wear: a combination hood-scarf entitled Garter-Stitch Balaclava by Mary Jane Mucklestone. (PDF pattern available via Knitting Daily.) Mine is made of Knit Picks Swish Worsted Lawn-- a medium yellow-green 100% wool yarn that is machine-washable (will not felt). Tassels will be omitted, however; they're cheery but a little too Santa's-elfish for my taste.

I was a SLUG yesterday...

I woke up at some ungodly hour-- 5 am something I guess. I played with my iPod a bit, but by 10am, I was a zombie-- staring into space, all thoughts seemingly suspended.

I know I'm not supposed to nap, but I did-- even knowing I might pay the price of insomnia again another night. It was either nap or spend the day as a zombie, so napping seemed the lesser of the evils.

The rest de-zombified me, but I still achieved nothing yesterday-- I didn't even get the dishes done. Ugh-- pile up. I actually kind of like doing dishes. I put on some music and sing my heart out. However, I hate when it takes 2 dishwasher loads to clear the sinks. Well, it's my own fault, so there's nothing to do but suck it up.

Amazingly, I not only slept through the next night but overslept, waking up this morning at 10am. YIKES!

I have got to END my two-day slug streak.

Image source:

blog.oregonlive.com/ kympokorny/large_slug.JPG

I realized that even though I can't always follow a 9-5 work schedule, my body appreciates some semblance of a schedule-- regular sleep and eating hours are good things for a balanced life. I need to make the effort.

Went to doctor yesterday...

She did give me a migraine-abortive to try when needed-- Midrin. As best as I can tell, it's a combo of Tylenol, a blood vessel constrictor, and some sort of muscle relaxant. Sounds pretty mild, but maybe it will help.

More significantly, she said I have allergies. This is news to me. I had trouble with ear pain last spring and went to a clinic where the doctor prescribed short-term use of Zyrtec and Nasonex because there was some fluid buildup. But it was a bad spring, allergy-wise, for almost everyone. The doctor didn't say, and I didn't understand, that I had more than a temporary problem.

But here is an abbreviated list of problems allergies can be associated with (beyond the typical hay fever symptoms):

Decreased ability to concentrate and function
Problems remembering things
Irritability
Sleep disorders
Fatigue
Missed days at work
http://www.acaai.org/public/advice/cogn.htm

Hmm, sounds familiar.

Furthermore, my doctor says that allergies can be a migraine trigger. Lovely.

That crazy episode of dizziness I had on Thursday 1/14 may even have been due to fluid buildup in my ear. I'd been having sinus trouble but had not connected the dots. I guess I'd better start keeping the Zyrtec handy.

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