One Heck of a Reversal

I got about 5 hours sleep last night but got to work anyway, albeit 15 minutes late. When I checked my mailbox, there was a message to see the boss.

Today my employment was terminated. I was fired. Even now, I'm stunned. I knew it was a possibility-- we've had talks before with little resolution. Still, I didn't expect to spend this day cleaning out my desk and saying goodbye to my coworkers.

I wept at home on my lunch break, got teary with each goodbye, and cried all the way home. It's a sad way for almost 7 years to end.

There's a part of me that's angry because I do darned good work and should not have been fired over things that aren't under my control.

There's a part of me that's relieved that the matter is finally settled.

There's a part of me that's scared. The economy stinks, jobs are particularly hard to come by in this area of the U.S., and I've just had the audacity to buy a house. There's the question of paying the mortgage. I've got money for a while, but how long?

There's a part of me that's a little excited because maybe this seemingly ugly situation will be the door into something better. But what? Will I keep doing library work? Will I end up as a cashier at Wal-Mart? Will I have to commute, or will I get to work from home? I feel so clueless about where to begin too-- it's been a long time since I was at a crossroads like this.

Then it's back to fear because how will interviews go? Employers will surely wonder why I left my last job. What do I say? What should be left unsaid? What about references? It's overwhelming.

Finally, there's a small part of me that's pleased about the timing. I mean, it's lousy that it happened, but even if I can't make a living, I can use the time to unpack and settle into my house. ;-) Now if only I get to stay here.

And as floored as I am, God's not even a little surprised. I can also see that He has been preparing me for what was coming. Through scripture verses and prayer, book titles, Ree Drummond's biography on her blog, JJ Heller's song Your Hands, etc. I am as ready for this unexpected happening as a person can be. Now I just need guidance so I can stay on the path He has prepared for me, whatever it is.

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